Identity Theft Overview: Part III — Emotional Considerations

November 2003

Many people are surprised by the emotions they experience after suffering identity theft, account takeover, or some other event that puts their identity at risk.

Your urgent need to take some kind of action may be undercut by feelings of frustration, helplessness, and confusion. Your desire to know how this happened and how it will end may feel blocked by a brick wall of uncertainty. The most practical, capable, and optimistic people may feel depressed and unable to focus, while people who are normally stable and even-tempered may find their emotions in a state of flux. And despite the support that family, friends, and colleagues may offer, many identity theft victims can't help feeling vulnerable and alone.

These feelings, while not universal, are typical of identity theft victims. But remember: Although you may feel isolated, you're not alone. As you prepare to deal with this intrusive, abusive, unfair event, there are good, capable people ready to help you get your life back to normal. And while the task ahead is complex, your Identity Theft 911 personal advocate will give you the practical assistance and support you need every step of the way.

Practical Support: Your Personal Advocate

We use the term "personal advocate" for a reason. Webster's defines advocate as "one who pleads the cause of another." That's exactly what your advocate will do. He or she will work with you one-on-one, from beginning to end, to get your case resolved. From law enforcement and government agencies to creditors and collection agencies, your advocate works with every relevant party on your behalf.

We take this approach for three reasons:

• Victims generally find it incredibly difficult to work their way in an orderly fashion through the maze of notifications, documentation, and other necessary tasks. We're experts in this area. We'll get it done.
• Victims consistently report negative experiences interacting with credit bureaus, government agencies, credit collectors, and creditors about fraudulent transactions. We want to take that problem off your plate.
• Identity theft is not just a financial crime. It's also a painful violation of your privacy — an experience that no one deserves. The sooner we can get the practical aspects of resolution underway, the sooner you can sort through your feelings, put things in perspective, and begin to heal.

Emotional Recovery: Things You Can Do

Come to terms with your feelings. As a child, were you ever accused of something you didn't do? Were your protests ignored by the people in charge? Were you assured that your story couldn't possibly be true? If so, you probably felt powerless, frustrated, hurt, and angry — all of which are also perfectly normal responses to the trauma of identity theft.

Identity theft strikes at your emotional core. Each of us has a tremendous amount invested in the identity we present to the world: our time, our experience, our promises, our sense of selfhood and personal power. To have some unknown person abuse all that can be a shock. To have them threaten your financial security — your ability to provide for yourself and your loved ones — can be devastating. To feel suddenly unsure what the future holds — and what's being said and done in your name, without your knowledge — is unsettling in the extreme.

The good news is that time — and your advocate's assistance in resolving the practical aspects of your situation — will help you come to terms with these feelings. They can be powerful, but they're transitory. They will pass. The key right now is to feel them, and to understand how normal they are.

Take responsibility for what you can change. Don't blame yourself for what you can't. Identity theft is rampant for a reason — and it isn't just due to individual carelessness. New technologies, dubious business and credit practices, and cavalier treatment of personal information by financial and academic institutions have all contributed to this crisis — and, quite possibly, to your own situation. Besides, identity theft is a crime — and it's the criminal, not the victim, who should be held responsible.

Here's the point: Don't blame yourself for what isn't your fault. Don't obsess over past actions that can't be undone. And don't let shame or embarrassment keep you from taking an objective view of your situation. You don't deserve this, but you'll get through it — and remember, you have capable people in your corner who are ready and willing to help you.

Give yourself what you need. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. People may continue to put the same demands on you as before — for your time, attention, energy, and effort. You may be up for that, and you may not. Prepare to set limits and to defend your privacy.

You might even want to make a list of the people who would normally make demands on you — such as your boss, your colleagues, or your family members. Decide which of those demands are still plausible as you deal with your situation, and which will need to change — and for how long. Communicate those changes to the appropriate people, either in advance or as circumstances require.

What you need most right now is time. So give yourself what you need:

• Take the time you need for the tasks you must perform.
• Take the time alone that you need to feel better.
• Take the time to be with friends and loved ones.
• Take time to keep experiencing the rest of your life.

At the same time, be aware that you may be tempted to indulge to excess in things that aren't good for you — for instance, smoking or drinking too much. Try not to get into a new pattern that will be hard to stop later on, when things get back to normal.

Establish your support network. You need the people in your life to understand what you're going through. You also need them to understand that it's not your fault (after all, identity theft can happen to anyone — and they could be next). Unfortunately, they may have a hard time putting themselves in your shoes. It's worth the effort to let your family, friends, and colleagues know how important their support is to you right now — even if it's hard for you to admit how much you need it.

On the other hand, keep your distance from people who would take advantage of your situation — financially, emotionally, or in any other way. On the practical side, rely on your advocate — and give yourself the tools you need to manage the tasks and the feelings that lie ahead.

See the good in this situation. Consider this an opportunity to be more capable, more organized, more empowered.

Accepting help — with your eyes wide open — can be a way of establishing your own control over the aspects of your life affected by this crime.

For instance, you'll understand your credit and your finances better. You'll understand your own emotional needs better, too — your strengths and weaknesses, fears and desires, what you really care about and what you honestly can do without. And in the end, you'll discover that you can deal with a serious challenge and come out victorious.

Learning about yourself is a good thing, and adversity can be a great teacher. The truth is that you can come out of this stronger and smarter — with your finances intact, your identity restored, and your life more in balance.